Chapter One: Despair

I was born into a well-off family in Ruijing, but when I was eight years old, my father became addicted to jade gambling. This kind of gamble is a game of chance—one cut can make you destitute, another can make you rich, or leave you in rags.

On my eighth birthday, my father tried his luck at jade gambling for the first time. I still remember how he took me to that raw material factory. A crowd watched as he sliced open the stone. In just a few seconds, the rough jade he bought for fifty thousand was suddenly worth eight hundred thousand! From that moment on, my father seemed possessed. He was gone for days at a time. I was too young to understand, but I remember my mother crying every day, and our family’s circumstances growing worse and worse.

Gradually, the car was sold. The house went next… The three of us were preparing to move into a small rented apartment. On the day we moved, my father sat alone by the balcony all night, smoking one cigarette after another. He promised my mother again and again that he would never gamble again, that he would turn his life around.

I remember that day vividly—my father was especially gentle with me, telling me to study hard and to take good care of my mother. I was fifteen then, still naive, believing that things would get better eventually. But I never could have imagined that on that very day, my father would jump from the eighteenth floor, separating us by life and death forever…

My father died, but he left behind a mountain of debt. With no other choice, my mother and I moved in with my uncle, Su Daqiang. I can still recall the scene: my mother and I, carrying our luggage, arriving at my uncle’s house. My uncle and aunt stood there, coldly eyeing us as if we were trash.

“Big sister, now that you’re here, you can live with us, but let’s be clear—you and Tiger can’t just eat and live here for free!” That was the first time I heard my aunt’s voice, shrill and grating, like fingernails scraping across a chalkboard.

My mother’s face changed at those words, but she nodded. Only then did my aunt open the door to let us in.

But before we could even step inside, Suli rushed out. “Why should they be allowed to live here? Their family’s debts have nothing to do with us!” Suli was my cousin. She was quite pretty, with fair skin, a slender figure, and delicate features. Though she was only in high school, she was more developed than most college girls.

When she saw me, her face was full of contempt and disdain, as if I were something filthy. My uncle quickly pulled her aside and whispered, “Keep your voice down. Don’t let your auntie and cousin hear you.”

“So what if they do? I just don’t want them living here!” Suli pouted, acting every bit the spoiled princess.

“Lili, don’t worry. Your aunt and cousin have promised they won’t freeload. Besides, with two more people in the house, your mother will have help with chores. Isn’t that a good thing?” my uncle said.

Only then did Suli’s expression soften a little. She glared at me before turning back into the house.

My mother and I exchanged a silent glance and bore it quietly. We were given a room in the attic—not much space, but at least it was a place to stay.

The next day, I went to school with Suli. She was the school beauty, pursued by many, but she dismissed all of them, calling them trash and saying none of them deserved her. Even though I was her cousin, she never spoke to me at school—not even a glance.

I knew she looked down on me, but I still couldn’t help wanting to please her. She disliked cafeteria food, so I brought her homemade lunches every day, but she would throw them straight into the trash without even tasting them.

Once, I couldn’t hold back and asked, “Lili, is my cooking really that bad?”

“Don’t you know yourself how bad it is?” she snapped, glaring at me.

Her words stung, but I didn’t give up. Soon, it was Suli’s birthday. I bought a small cake, planning to celebrate with her that evening. But the moment I brought out the cake, she knocked it to the ground.

“Who wants your stupid cake? Get lost!” she shouted.

I stared at the cake on the floor, feeling a sharp ache in my chest. Then Suli stomped on the cake with her foot. That blow crushed not just the cake, but my fragile dignity.

“Wang Hu, I’m warning you—get out of my house, or I’ll make sure you regret it!” Suli said, then stormed off.

Watching her retreating figure, I felt as if a knife had been driven into my heart. Maybe I really shouldn’t have come to her home.

From that day on, I stopped trying to please Suli. I went to school, then shut myself away in my room. But even then, she didn’t leave me alone. She had school bullies pick fights with me, nearly getting me beaten to death, and once trapped me in the bathroom, forcing me to eat filth.

I fought desperately to escape. That day, I finally snapped and shoved Suli hard, sending her sprawling to the floor.

“You—you dare hit me?” Suli looked at me in fury.

“I… I didn’t mean to.” Even though I was burning with anger, the moment I saw her upset, I panicked.

That’s what it feels like to be at someone’s mercy: no matter how angry you get, you must still control your emotions. It’s a feeling I hope never to experience again.

“Fine, Wang Hu, just you wait!” Suli spat, then turned and left.

I was afraid. I knew her character—she would never let this go easily. But I never imagined what she would do next.

That night, after I returned to my room, I found women’s stockings and underwear scattered about. I picked them up and, on a strange impulse, took a deep breath of their scent. It was intoxicating—my first time ever encountering such a fragrance. I couldn’t describe it, but in that moment, something primal was awakened in me. As a teenager brimming with hormones, I suddenly became aware of a new concept—woman.

Just then, the door was kicked open. I turned to see Suli, Su Daqiang, and Wu Chunhua standing in the doorway.

“You pervert! Stealing my underwear!” Suli shouted, pointing at me.

“No, it’s not what you think. I didn’t take these,” I stammered, flustered.

“If you didn’t put them here, then who did?” Suli demanded.

I was at a loss for words, unable to explain myself.